Twists in Our Path Toward Healing

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Hello friends. I am humbled by how many are out there reading this blog. Many of you I do not know and will never know. Yet, since I feel like you are along with us for this journey, I call you friends. As many of you know I took a break from blogging a few weeks ago because of a health crisis in my family. I am still not at liberty to share about that, but I will thank you for your prayers and ask you to keep them coming. It is not over, I’m just coming to a place of acceptance and am ready to get back to work.

My family has been on a healing journey since before my first child was born. I spent much of 2002 using a wheelchair because of the pain I was in following minor surgery. I have written about that experience as a chapter in a book that will be released later this year. It seems like my family has gone from one issue to another here despite my best efforts and lots of prayer. I am an eternal optimist and I continue to have faith that we will get to a place of vibrant health for all of my family member. At the same time I am disappointed at how long and difficult the path is proving to be. Health always seems to be right around the next bend for us. Bit by bit we peel the onion and discover new challenges to tackle. I have encountered those along the way who think that I just need to have a more positive attitude and worry less about the details. If I would just trust God more our health would fall into place. I have encountered others who think that I should simply accept that this is how our life is and stop searching for answers. Find the best drugs to manage our symtoms and move on. Neither of those are what I am called to for my family right now. I can accept that this is how life is right now and still look for answers for myself and my family members.

I won’t lie. The events of this past winter have really shaken me. After 3+ years on GAPS one of my family members developed a condition that GAPS is often prescribed to address! I have met people along the way who have had this condition disappear on the GAPS diet, and yet here we are facing a new diagnosis and a scary future. I never thought that we could be faced with something like this while strictly following the GAPS protocol and yet it is a fact of our life at this point. It is hard to know what to think when something like this happens despite your best efforts to achieve health for your family. It feels so unfair! But as I remind my children. Life is not fair.

When we first started GAPS we stopped nearly everything else we were doing to pursue GAPS with all that we had. I had read some pretty amazing stories of people healing all kinds of conditions on GAPS and we were inspired to join them. One remarkable story was about a boy with severe life threatening issues. His mother started trying to heal him with GAPS and saw no improvement for the first full year! Yet that mama continued to stick it out and her son is now completely healed and boasts one of the most amazing healing stories that I have ever heard. Others showed up along the way in the GAPS groups who weren’t having such remarkable healing. Some, it turned out, were skipping important parts of the protocol. They were including rice or unwilling to give up dinners out. Perhaps they didn’t make broth or consume fermented foods. It was easy to tell them that if they just did GAPS more faithfully that they too could expect miracles. To be sure, for some of them those miracles did happen once they got strict about GAPS. But there were also those who never saw much in the way of healing no matter what they tried. They did their very best to follow GAPS to the letter and yet the progress they saw was minimal or even non-existent. They were encouraged to keep at it and have faith. The details of how well they were really following GAPS was often called into question. I know that I have done that myself and if any of you are reading this blog right now I want to sincerely apologize. Having the right intent does not stop words from being hurtful, just like having a positive thankful attitude doesn’t transform junk food into health food.

There are those for whom any improvement in diet will bring about significant improvement in health. Simply switching to all organic foods can transform the health of some people. For some children it has been as simple as removing red dye from their diet to transform them from ADHD to normal kid. While for others following extremely complex protocols brings about minimal improvement at best. Some have to try several different approaches before they find the one that “works” for them. Some even have to “go off road” and find a synergy between several approaches for their individual needs to truly be met.

If you are following a protocol that works for you, you may find yourself thinking that if everyone would just do what you are doing they too could be well. If you are one of those people for whom nothing seems to work you may begin to question if those others are telling the truth about being healed. Or you may think that perhaps they were exaggerating their symptoms. You may also question your own self. Are you being honest about following the protocol? Are you perhaps sabotaging your own efforts somehow? Are you to blame for your own lack of healing?

I have been in both groups. When my family did the Specific Carbohydrate Diet I experienced such an amazing improvement in my health I got a bit evangelistic about it. I was happier. I easily lost excess weight. I had more energy. The diet was difficult and yet I did so much better following it that the effort was more than worth it. Those who were “unwilling” to try it I looked down upon. Ditto those who “compromised” in various ways with foods not allowed on the diet. If they only would just be willing to do this all of their issues would go away! We quit SCD when my older daughter was 3 because I got pregnant and struggled to keep down anything and because we started another approach to improve her health that seemed to be working no matter how we ate as long as we stayed low starch and gluten free.

Then, once again, in 2009 my family faced a new health crisis in my youngest and so we started the GAPS diet. (read about that here) I was looking forward to how much better I would feel and to losing the last few lbs that I wanted to lose even while I dreaded the work. I did feel much better at first. My children also improved. Then my own health crashed 3 months into GAPS and it hasn’t ever really recovered. That was Feb 2010. I have kept the faith that GAPS would eventually heal us. I have added various “Cherries on Top” while I sought healing. I have listened carefully to what others have to say about what I (or GAPS in general) am getting wrong. I have tried many different “tweaks” to our diet and yet… My energy is low, my weight is high, my health issues continue as do those for the rest of my family. I’ll get one issue resolved and a different one crops up. I have watched jealously as people declared that they were ready to “graduate” from GAPS and move on to a less restrictive diet. Some have done it because they were healed. Others have simply said that they thought they had gotten “far enough” or else they gave up on healing and hoped to simply maintain the ground they had gained. Some have come back after a few months and some have not.

It has been hard for me to accept that GAPS is not right for everyone. It seems like such a logical approach! It has worked so well for so many! What is even harder to explain and accept is that it continues to be the best dietary approach for my family, despite the fact that we aren’t seeing a lot of healing right now. We have tried “non-GAPS” foods. A small number are ok, while other things we have tried are not. I frankly feel a bit stuck. We can’t seem to heal and yet we can’t seem to leave either.

I share all of this to say two things. First I am so sorry to those who I have questioned or looked down upon for not healing on GAPS. It was wrong of me. My only excuse is that I needed unwavering devotion to keep myself on the straight and narrow. For my family GAPS has not proved to be a bad choice, despite the fact that we still do not have vibrant health. We have come a long way. The problem is that, for us, while GAPS is the foundation, it is not enough. For some people GAPS is not the right foundation at all. For some the inclusion of starches helps and doesn’t hurt. For some a different dietary approach is the right choice. I stand by the statement that GAPS is a safe and healthy diet for life for many people. I no longer believe that it is the right diet for everyone as I once did. For some it is the only safe and healthy diet that they will ever be able to eat, but for others, it is not the right approach at all. For some GAPS makes them worse. For some GAPS is more restrictive than is needed or focuses on the wrong things.

It can be difficult to have the grace to support others while they seek a different path to wellness. This is especially true if their path looks easier than mine. I’m also compelled to warn people if their path is one that I tried and did not find wellness at the end of it. The fact of it is, that we are each unique and there are usually many paths to wellness for each person. There are many ways to heal the gut, detoxify the body and nourish the soul. For some only one way will work while for others nearly any path they choose will bring them success.

I will continue to dedicate my blog to supporting those who are on the same path as we are on. Those who are following GAPS, the Low Oxalate Diet, fighting Lyme, have corn allergies and other issues that we are dealing here in our family will find support and commiseration in this blog. At the same time I will strive to be more accepting of those for whom the path is so different from our own. I will try to be more open to alternative points of view on these complicated subjects of health and optimal healing. Mostly, I will try to treat those in my life with more grace as they make their own best choices every day. I will try to always speak with kindness and to think, before I speak, about how my words may be received. I will try harder to talk less and listen more and to be more humble when I do share what has worked for us. I also will try to not judge those who have chosen different paths and are not vibrantly healthy. While I continue to hope and believe that we will one day be healthy, the fact is that we are not right now either. We may need to travel down a different path to get there than the one we have been on these past 3 + years.

For those who have read this entire post thank you. It has been much longer than I anticipated when I first started writing it. I am blessed by such wonderful supportive readers on this blog and am humbled by the ways that you share your lives with me here and listen to what I have to say as I stumble along. Blogging is one of the best jobs I have ever had. Thank you for making it possible to help support my family while I share what I have learned with all of you. It is truly a labor of love.