Guest Post: Love Comes First: Finding Time For Ourselves

Today’s post is a guest post from Sarah of Nourished and Nurtured. It is another one in my ongoing series about the importance of love for yourself and your family in the midst of the hard work of healing. Today is focused on how can mama get her needs met while caring for young children. I love her idea for playing hide and seek. I may need to do that one soon with my own two children.

-PattyLA

As a stay-at-home mother of two young children, I often find it hard to make any time for myself. It can be easy for me to go about my day-to-day life making no time for reflection, meditation, relaxation, or even my own health. After all, there is always more to do with the kids, around the house, in the kitchen, or on the blog.
I find that if I fail to find any time for myself, I am setting myself up to burn-out, lose my temper, and feel dissatisfied. This doesn’t help out anyone in the house! By giving some time to myself, I am able to recharge my energy, my compassion, my kindness, and my passion for life. Some techniques that have worked well for me in finding time for myself are:

• Make it a priority to give some time to myself: I try to make it a habit to find some time for myself. As the seasons come and go, sometimes I do better at finding time for myself than other times. Sometimes it helps to plan it out by writing it on my to-do list for the day, and other times I naturally find time with the ebb and flow of the day. Either way, it has to be a priority for me to find some time for myself, else I will not be as good of a mother and wife as I could be.
• Daily quiet time: Every afternoon, we have quiet time for about 2 hours. This is a time for everyone in the house to unwind, and it really helps us all to have some quiet time each day. I plan to keep having quiet time even as the kids grow older. Each kid goes to a separate room with some quiet toys to play with, and I have time to de-stress through meditation, prayer, yoga, reading, or even folding laundry in blessed solitude. My 3-year-old can usually last 30-45 minutes playing on his own during this time, and then I help him settle in for his afternoon nap (and take a quick snooze myself since he still wakes during the night). My 6-year-old daughter spends her quiet time reading, playing, coloring, or listening to music/audio books. Since quiet time is a daily habit in our home, there is generally no struggle to get the kids to do it. They expect that each afternoon, we will do a quick toy clean-up and then go to quiet time. This time is essential for all of us to recharge and relax.
• Get up early: Getting up before the kids in the morning can provide a great time for calm reflection. I do some of my best planning, praying, and meditating early in the morning before the kids are awake.

• Pursue my own interests: One of the things that Gretchen Ruben emphasizes in her book The Happiness Project is that growth is essential to happiness. While it is not always simple to find time to pursue my own interests, I find that it is hugely beneficial. While my kids play, I often study homeopathy or write articles. When my daughter is reading, I can take the opportunity to read my own books as well. These are wonderful outlets for me that stimulate my mind and give me the chance to focus on something besides mothering-related tasks.
• Take the kids for a walk: Taking the kids for a walk can be a wonderful way to get physical activity along with the kids. I try to make sure we go for walks at times when I won’t feel rushed or impatient if the kids want to dawdle a bit. When the kids were younger, I would push the eldest in the stroller while carrying the baby on my back. Nowadays, my kids take turns riding the balance bike and scooter. Walking is great for getting us out of the house on days when we’re all in a funk, and it works wonders for our mental states to be out in fresh air admiring the sky, trees, or even the ants on the sidewalk.
• Go for a walk alone: On particularly rough days, I will leave my kids home with my husband after dinner and go for a short walk by myself. It is amazing what 20 minutes of alone-time can do to cheer me up at the end of a bad day. It gives me time to work through the rough emotions of the day and find a place of calm and contentment.
• Play hide-n-seek and find a REALLY good hiding place: One way to play with my kids while finding time for myself is to play hide and seek. The key is to find a really good hiding place. Then while the kids look for me, I have a few minutes to take some deep breaths and calm my mind. This method can be a real mood-changer in our house, since the kids are happy that I am playing with them and I can get a few moments to myself.
• Put on a favorite CD for the kids and go take a bath: During busy weeks, one of the best ways for me to find a little relaxation is to take a quick bath. To make sure that I will have some peaceful time to myself, I get the kids set up with their favorite CD to listen to, get out some toys that are usually kept in the closet, and then I will sneak away to have a bath. (If I tell them I am going to bathe, they will inevitably want to join me, which isn’t always what I’m going for.) Then I can relax in the bath for perhaps 10-20 minutes while they play.
• Talk with a friend who has kids: My number one criterion in choosing playmates for my kids is that I like the parents. This way, whenever the kids are having a play date, I have time to converse with other adults that I like spending time with. I look forward to these play dates as much as the kids do, and it is always refreshing to talk with other parents. I’ve been able to develop some true friendships this way, which has really helped to prevent the social isolation that can come along with being a stay-at-home parent.

When I make sure to find some time for myself, I am more patient, more balanced, and better able to face the challenges of each day. While it is not always easy to find such time, it is well worth it since it makes me a better mother and wife. Do you have any tips to share for finding time for yourself?

Sarah Smith blogs about nutrient-dense (primarily grain-free) foods, natural parenting, health, homeschooling, and suburban gardening at Nourished and Nurtured. Sarah has authored two cookbooks, Nourishing Eats and Nourished Cooking. She co-leads a chapter of the Weston A. Price Foundation in southern New Mexico, and she is a regular contributor to Real Food and Health magazine. In her previous career, Sarah worked for ten years as an aerospace engineer. In her spare time, Sarah enjoys gardening, photography, writing, and anything that allows her to make a spreadsheet.

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